I FEEL SO ACCEPTED! OR UNDERSTOOD I GUESS! this is a seriously freeing experience...ahhh I am not a freak! WOO!
<3 <3 <3
Lauren
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Life's got wings, and it knows how to use 'em
I just got back from Houston where my family and I spent Thanksgiving with the Trinkles (a.k.a. - my second family) We had a blast and I hated coming home but what can you do? Life's moving on: I've got the expected yet still despised senior year homework, hashing out college stuff (scholarships). There's only three weeks til Christmas break, and only two til the much antisipated yet still horrifyingly unprepared Christmas Choir Concert. Then, after break only four weeks til next semester. Not long after that comes spring break and a mere three weeks later, I graduate. With graduation comes my grad party, and focusing on my job to rack up some much needed moola. Then college, and then.....the rest of this very short experience most commonly known as "life".
Life's flying by, and I'm barely hanging on...
Life's flying by, and I'm barely hanging on...
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
My New Obsession
Baby hair is the most delicate thing in the world. It just is. Just the sight of it screams FRAGILE, and when you touch it, forget about it! you'll never take your hand away. It's so pure and soft. And don't forget that it always smells good, like baby. I love it.
Baby hair is my new favorite.
Lauren
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Julia's Child?
Hi everyone!
I just wanted to let you know that I've started a second blog called "Julia's Child?" in reference to the cook Julia Child. Don't get the reference? Don't worry you will in about ten seconds or as long as it takes you to read the next sentence or two depending on what I write. (man, I'm spazzy right now!) Okay, back to what I was saying. I've started this other blog as the basis for my AP English I-search project. The topic is: TEACHING MYSELF HOW TO COOK!
Do you get it now? NO? Well, how about this, it's a pun using my cooking idols name: could I be her child prodigy in cooking?
Well, that's what I plan to find out! If you like this blog, PLEASE check out Julia's Child? I need feed back for a grade!! Thanks all!
Lauren
PS ~ This also means I'm going to be on Blogger(well, not this blog specifically) a lot more often, FOR A GRADE! How cool is that? I love AP English, even though it is aging me ten years every week...)
I just wanted to let you know that I've started a second blog called "Julia's Child?" in reference to the cook Julia Child. Don't get the reference? Don't worry you will in about ten seconds or as long as it takes you to read the next sentence or two depending on what I write. (man, I'm spazzy right now!) Okay, back to what I was saying. I've started this other blog as the basis for my AP English I-search project. The topic is: TEACHING MYSELF HOW TO COOK!
Do you get it now? NO? Well, how about this, it's a pun using my cooking idols name: could I be her child prodigy in cooking?
Well, that's what I plan to find out! If you like this blog, PLEASE check out Julia's Child? I need feed back for a grade!! Thanks all!
Lauren
PS ~ This also means I'm going to be on Blogger(well, not this blog specifically) a lot more often, FOR A GRADE! How cool is that? I love AP English, even though it is aging me ten years every week...)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Ballad of Love and Hate
Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
My vacations ending. I'm coming home late.
The weather was fine and the ocean was great
and I can't wait to see you again.
Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
"No one here cares if you go or you stay.
I barely even noticed that you were away.
I'll see you or I won't, whatever."
Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies,
and also when she comes down.
Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
with a serious look on his face.
Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow.
To trust. To hope. To care.
Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.
Without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
of the strongest stuff you can drink.
Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.
As soon as he sees her, hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after, at the end of the ride,
cause he might never see her again.
Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams o'er the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says 2:55,
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.
Love has been waiting, patient and kind.
My vacations ending. I'm coming home late.
The weather was fine and the ocean was great
and I can't wait to see you again.
Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
"No one here cares if you go or you stay.
I barely even noticed that you were away.
I'll see you or I won't, whatever."
Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies,
and also when she comes down.
Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
with a serious look on his face.
Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow.
To trust. To hope. To care.
Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.
Without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
of the strongest stuff you can drink.
Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.
As soon as he sees her, hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after, at the end of the ride,
cause he might never see her again.
Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams o'er the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says 2:55,
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.
Love has been waiting, patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign,
That the one that she cares for, who's out of his mind,
Will make it back safe to her arms.
Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung, eyes to the floor.
He says "Love, I'm sorry", and she says, "What for?
I'm your and that's it, Whatever.
I should not have been gone for so long.
I'm your's and that's it, forever."
Will make it back safe to her arms.
Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung, eyes to the floor.
He says "Love, I'm sorry", and she says, "What for?
I'm your and that's it, Whatever.
I should not have been gone for so long.
I'm your's and that's it, forever."
You're mine and that's it, forever.
What perfect harmony, don't you agree? I love the Avett Brothers, go look them up and I promise, you will not regret it.
Lyrics courtesy of Cowboylyrics.com
The craziness is rendering me incapable of doing anything un-school related, hence this break in posting, and believe me, it is not for lack of ideas, merely lack of my precious time.
Until the next unknown five minute breather,
Lauren
PS ~ I'm going to BGSU! :D I love it there, I can't wait until next year.
The craziness is rendering me incapable of doing anything un-school related, hence this break in posting, and believe me, it is not for lack of ideas, merely lack of my precious time.
Until the next unknown five minute breather,
Lauren
PS ~ I'm going to BGSU! :D I love it there, I can't wait until next year.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Some of my Frantic Antics
Can anyone tell me who came up with the seven day schedule? Because I plan to find them and/or all their descendants and kick their ignorant, simpleminded butts for causing me this unbearable stress! If only he (because only a man could do this) had the foresight to add an extra day or two, then I wouldn't be having this crisis called "not-enough-time-to-study-for-all-of-my-tests-turn-in-my-college-applications-not-neglect-everyone-in-my-life-and-still-have-time-to-prevent-myself-going-insane"!!
He is responsible for taking at least ten years off my life.
I will find him and I will sue him for all he's worth.
And after I have accomplished this, I will petition for an eight to nine day week in which one day is devoted entirely to yourself to prevent insanity.
Lauren
PS~ I shouldn't even be typing this, I just wasted five minutes of my limited study time. Blast the guy who created the 7 day week! Blast him to HECK!!!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Human Limits
My dad is a real big National Geographic junkie, and because of his bias influence, he has also gotten me slightly hooked. Today the new addtion came called "The Tallest Trees: Redwoods" and I was flipping through and saw this page titled "Human Limits" and was amazed by the
informantion:
Body Heat: When core body temp. hits 107.6%, heatstroke can't be reversed and will prove fatal.
**OUR LIMIT: 107.6%**
Cold Water: Water saps body heat. You'd last barely 30 minutes in a 40 degrees F sea. Life vests buoy you up to slow eat lose.
**OUR LIMIT: 40 DEGREES**
Hot Air: in a burning building of deep mine adults can take 10 mins. at 300degrees F. Kids soon succumb in a 120 degree F car.
High Altitude: Consciousness fades for most. With bigging lungs and more red blood cells, highland dwellers are OK.
**OUR LIMIT: 15,000feet**
Diving Deep: Without equipment, most folks black out before 2 mins, and below 60 feet. The best free diver made it to 282 ft.
**OUR LIMIT: 282 ft**
Lack of oxygen: Typically, you'd pass out within 2 mins. With training, people can hold their breath nearly 11 mins!
**OUR LIMIT: 11mins**
Blood Loss: You can survive after spilling 30 percent. At 40%, you'd need an immidiate transfusion.
**OUR LIMIT: 40%**
Starvation: Lose 30% of body weight and death is imminent, thought disease will likely kill you before you starve.
**OUR LIMIT: 45 days**
Dehydration: Every cell needs water. Replace the quart or so you lose daily, or you won't last much more than a week.
**OUR LIMIT: 7 days**
Isn't that crazy? I think it is. Humans are amazing.
Just wanted to share this with you guys,
Lauren
ps~ I'M SEVENTEEN IN 18 HOURS!! but I'm going to be gone tomorrow for a school fieldtrip.
informantion:
Body Heat: When core body temp. hits 107.6%, heatstroke can't be reversed and will prove fatal.
**OUR LIMIT: 107.6%**
Cold Water: Water saps body heat. You'd last barely 30 minutes in a 40 degrees F sea. Life vests buoy you up to slow eat lose.
**OUR LIMIT: 40 DEGREES**
Hot Air: in a burning building of deep mine adults can take 10 mins. at 300degrees F. Kids soon succumb in a 120 degree F car.
High Altitude: Consciousness fades for most. With bigging lungs and more red blood cells, highland dwellers are OK.
**OUR LIMIT: 15,000feet**
Diving Deep: Without equipment, most folks black out before 2 mins, and below 60 feet. The best free diver made it to 282 ft.
**OUR LIMIT: 282 ft**
Lack of oxygen: Typically, you'd pass out within 2 mins. With training, people can hold their breath nearly 11 mins!
**OUR LIMIT: 11mins**
Blood Loss: You can survive after spilling 30 percent. At 40%, you'd need an immidiate transfusion.
**OUR LIMIT: 40%**
Starvation: Lose 30% of body weight and death is imminent, thought disease will likely kill you before you starve.
**OUR LIMIT: 45 days**
Dehydration: Every cell needs water. Replace the quart or so you lose daily, or you won't last much more than a week.
**OUR LIMIT: 7 days**
Isn't that crazy? I think it is. Humans are amazing.
Just wanted to share this with you guys,
Lauren
ps~ I'M SEVENTEEN IN 18 HOURS!! but I'm going to be gone tomorrow for a school fieldtrip.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Small Town Charm
I just wrote my college essay for MSU and decided to share it with you.
Here you gooooo.....
Now, picture this: You’re flying above south-eastern Michigan. As you float leisurely along, something catches your eye; it’s a rambunctious marching band, drumming, and tooting their way through a small downtown. Behind this procession of teenage musicians, you see a pageant of children, adults, and some older folks, all of who seem to have been transported through time from the Victorian age. A hundred people donned in knickers, suspenders, bonnets, extravagant gowns with intricate stitching, and elegant gloves up to their elbows, all smiling and flinging candy into the crowd of people up and down Main Street, but it doesn’t stop there. Men in vintage baseball uniforms strut down the road calling to the girls on the sidelines, while ladies in frilly dresses twirl their lacy umbrellas through the air, filling people’s noses with heavy floral scents. Next, a parade of circling unicycles and bicycles with wheels as tall as a man, honking their horns and smiling to the crowd who cheer with reckless abandon, whizzes down the street. Finally, a horse drawn carriage turns on to Main Street; it’s the moment everyone has been waiting for: as the carriage moves closer, the mayor’s head pops out. He grins and waves to the people on the street who whoop and yell and wave right back at him, the mayor of our little town, Northville.
Now, rewind to the beginning of the parade and focus down on one local girl with uncontrollably curly hair and a leather jacket. She’s standing across from the library, in front of a family friend’s house in the same position she’s been in every year for the Victorian Festival since she was two; on her tip toes, leaning around other people on the street, eager to see the start of the parade. As the first members of the marching band turn the corner, her heart starts beating furiously with joy and pride for her small town. It’s the same every year; this wacky, small town celebration of her city’s heritage fuels her dedication and sense of community making her fall more in love with Northville with each passing townsperson. Every chance she gets, she gives back to Northville what she gets from it; an air tight sense of community and loving support. It has taught her how important dedication and support is to any successful relationship, whether it is between two people, or an entire town and one girl. And because of this, she brings her support and dedication to everything she takes part in.
You’re probably wondering who this girl with passionate dedication and stubborn support is, and I’m here to tell you: she’s me, Lauren O’Brien.
hope you liked it.
Lauren
Here you gooooo.....
Now, picture this: You’re flying above south-eastern Michigan. As you float leisurely along, something catches your eye; it’s a rambunctious marching band, drumming, and tooting their way through a small downtown. Behind this procession of teenage musicians, you see a pageant of children, adults, and some older folks, all of who seem to have been transported through time from the Victorian age. A hundred people donned in knickers, suspenders, bonnets, extravagant gowns with intricate stitching, and elegant gloves up to their elbows, all smiling and flinging candy into the crowd of people up and down Main Street, but it doesn’t stop there. Men in vintage baseball uniforms strut down the road calling to the girls on the sidelines, while ladies in frilly dresses twirl their lacy umbrellas through the air, filling people’s noses with heavy floral scents. Next, a parade of circling unicycles and bicycles with wheels as tall as a man, honking their horns and smiling to the crowd who cheer with reckless abandon, whizzes down the street. Finally, a horse drawn carriage turns on to Main Street; it’s the moment everyone has been waiting for: as the carriage moves closer, the mayor’s head pops out. He grins and waves to the people on the street who whoop and yell and wave right back at him, the mayor of our little town, Northville.
Now, rewind to the beginning of the parade and focus down on one local girl with uncontrollably curly hair and a leather jacket. She’s standing across from the library, in front of a family friend’s house in the same position she’s been in every year for the Victorian Festival since she was two; on her tip toes, leaning around other people on the street, eager to see the start of the parade. As the first members of the marching band turn the corner, her heart starts beating furiously with joy and pride for her small town. It’s the same every year; this wacky, small town celebration of her city’s heritage fuels her dedication and sense of community making her fall more in love with Northville with each passing townsperson. Every chance she gets, she gives back to Northville what she gets from it; an air tight sense of community and loving support. It has taught her how important dedication and support is to any successful relationship, whether it is between two people, or an entire town and one girl. And because of this, she brings her support and dedication to everything she takes part in.
You’re probably wondering who this girl with passionate dedication and stubborn support is, and I’m here to tell you: she’s me, Lauren O’Brien.
hope you liked it.
Lauren
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The Questionable Case of a Might-be-Bipolar
I'm on a high right now; it's a natural high, I assure you. My body is humming with joy and my eyes are tearing up with happy tears. I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I love the world. The problem is, twenty minutes ago, I was crying sad, sad tears and thinking really sad thoughts. And earlier this morning, I couldn't stop smiling. It started to freak some people out. They'd look over at me and see me grinning and they'd ask why I was so happy, and then, five minutes later, I would be looking off into space, holding back tears and they wouldn't know what to say.
What's up with me?
I don't have an answer for you. Nothing particularly amazing or ghastly happened today. I learned some french and pre-calc and got some homework. Ate a satisfactory lunch, talked with some friends, nothing to complain about. But still, I can't control this roller coaster of emotions.
I got my monthly visitor two weeks ago, so it can't that. And I'm not pregnant, unless I've become the next Virgin Mary... And I'm definitely not into all those nasty energy drinks, so I'm not getting buzzed on those either. What else causes such extreme mood swings? I don't know, but if it doesn't stop soon, I'll have enough personal inspiration to write my very own story, "The Questionable Case of a Might-be-Bipolar".
The Might-be,
Lauren
PS ~ Now I'm sad, so very sad. And tired.
What's up with me?
I don't have an answer for you. Nothing particularly amazing or ghastly happened today. I learned some french and pre-calc and got some homework. Ate a satisfactory lunch, talked with some friends, nothing to complain about. But still, I can't control this roller coaster of emotions.
I got my monthly visitor two weeks ago, so it can't that. And I'm not pregnant, unless I've become the next Virgin Mary... And I'm definitely not into all those nasty energy drinks, so I'm not getting buzzed on those either. What else causes such extreme mood swings? I don't know, but if it doesn't stop soon, I'll have enough personal inspiration to write my very own story, "The Questionable Case of a Might-be-Bipolar".
The Might-be,
Lauren
PS ~ Now I'm sad, so very sad. And tired.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Sty in my eye
Sty, sty, go away. Don't come back another day!
I don't know if any of you have ever experienced the ugly, uncomfortableness of having a sty, but let me assure you, IT SUCKS!
Yesterday, my eye started itching and when I went to see what was wrong with it I was greeted by one HUGE sty on the top of my eye, all the way across the lid. It is so gross because even though I get them occasionally, I never get them on top of my eye, only below. But don't fret because not long after discovering that beauty, that hurt like hell by the way, the bottom of my eye started to hurt, and low and behold, I had ANOTHER big sty underneath my eye.
So now my eye is almost swollen all the way shut and itches and hurts.
I have been just lying down and pressing hot compress after hot compress onto them to stop the swelling. It better go away soon because school is four days away and I look like I got two huge unattractive bug bites that made me have an allergic reaction, it's not pretty. I can't wear makeup or make myself look good for the first day of school because of these two ugly bumps. I like to think of myself as not terribly vain, but come on, who wants to look gross on their first day of school? answer: NO ONE
So, I'm off to nurse my wounds and finish my AP English homework (boo for procrastination).
And my family is going up north to my grandparents cottage today for labor day weekend.
<3
Lauren
PS ~ One is the loneliest number! (god, I love that song)
I don't know if any of you have ever experienced the ugly, uncomfortableness of having a sty, but let me assure you, IT SUCKS!
Yesterday, my eye started itching and when I went to see what was wrong with it I was greeted by one HUGE sty on the top of my eye, all the way across the lid. It is so gross because even though I get them occasionally, I never get them on top of my eye, only below. But don't fret because not long after discovering that beauty, that hurt like hell by the way, the bottom of my eye started to hurt, and low and behold, I had ANOTHER big sty underneath my eye.
So now my eye is almost swollen all the way shut and itches and hurts.
I have been just lying down and pressing hot compress after hot compress onto them to stop the swelling. It better go away soon because school is four days away and I look like I got two huge unattractive bug bites that made me have an allergic reaction, it's not pretty. I can't wear makeup or make myself look good for the first day of school because of these two ugly bumps. I like to think of myself as not terribly vain, but come on, who wants to look gross on their first day of school? answer: NO ONE
So, I'm off to nurse my wounds and finish my AP English homework (boo for procrastination).
And my family is going up north to my grandparents cottage today for labor day weekend.
<3
Lauren
PS ~ One is the loneliest number! (god, I love that song)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Imogen Heaps Newest CD Release
Little Bird
Little bird, little bird, little bird
What do you hear?
The clink of morning cheers
Orange juice concentrate
Crossword puzzles start to grade
One across
Four letter word, it's just not sitting
Little bird, little bird, little bird
What do you see?
A picture perfect scene
Two toned lawns are manicured
The gardens wearing haute couture
It's hiding something
It's trying too hard
Hiding something
It's trying too hard
Little bird, little bird, little bird
Where are they now?
Day time TV lounge
A carriage clock, a mantle piece
A family wiped up, j cloth cleaned
Unsaid, festers in the throws of the sofa
Little bird, little bird, little bird
How are you feeling?
Like ??? quarantine
Pearly whites, touch down smile
Haps and creases round the eyes
Tell tale, heart sail
We smell rats in the kitchen
Tell tale, heart sail
We smell rats in the kitchen
Little bird, little bird, little bird
What can we do?
A think tank think rescue
Simon says, etch a sketch
Send a golden message only he would get
Quickly now
Cause this is not how it ends
Little bird, little bird, little bird
(Little bird, little bird, little bird)
Well I've got one more question
(Little bird, little bird, little bird)
And I swear I'll let it rest
(Little bird, little bird, little bird)
Well I've just one more question
(Little bird, little bird, little bird)
And I swear I'll let it rest
One more question
I'll let it rest
I swear I'll let it rest
Got one more question
(And I swear I'll let it rest)
I've got one more question
Little bird, little bird, little bird
Where have you gone?
Lyrics courtesy of Metro Lyrics.
<3
Lauren
<3
Lauren
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Moods
Cassi came...and Cassi went.
She was here for five days, but it felt like five seconds. Despite the fact that it went by faster than I would have liked, we had a blast! Every time she comes up I realize how awesome she is and how we'll be best friends forever, no matter how long we go without seeing each other.
My dad took pictures of us on her last day here so when he picks out the best one, I will put it up on here.
I'm trying to get inspired here, to write something of interest, but nothing is happening...
I can say that I'm kind of sad no one has said anything to me about my This I Believe because I honestly need help with it...
I've been slightly depressed these last two days, and I don't know if it has to do with Cassi leaving, or school starting or what but it is really bringing me down...I sometimes just start to cry,which is really out of character for me because I hate crying, especially in front of someone. I guess no one really likes to be seen crying, but when I am caught, which I assure you does not happen often, I get really nasty and mean, which in turn makes me more depressed or sad.
I sometimes hate how average I am. I mean I am smart, but not brilliant, I'm O.K. looking, but not beautiful, I sing good, but not great, I live in a small upper class town and will go to a nice college where I will get a degree in business or something along those lines. Even my name is ordinary, Lauren Racheal (yes, that is how I spell it) O'Brien. Go ahead and search me, YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME! That is how ordinary I am, my name is so common hundreds of people have it....I just found 24 people on twitter who have my name, and I am talking to them right now. Whenever people talk about my sister and I and what they see us doing when we're older they say (and this is a direct quote from my mother) "Darbi, I see you becoming famous and discovering something big. Lauren, I see you working hard at your job and taking care of your family." Yep. that is what she said. I never told her that I loathed what she said or that it wouldn't be that way because I believe it. That is just how my life is going to go, and it sucks.
I feel lonely. My sister has had her group of three that she's known her whole life and has been hanging out with them or her boyfriend everyday this summer. (another depressing thought: Darbi who is 2 years younger than me has had a boyfriend for the past 5 months, and this isn't her first. while I haven't had anything resembling a boyfriend besides Peter, which doesn't count) Both my parents are extremely busy with work recently so they don't have time for me either. My only close friend in town has volleyball or babysitting every hour of every day. So I'm by myself, ranting to you in a rediculously cliche-teenage-everything-is-about-me kind of way. It sickens me.
I'm sorry for this really uninspiring post,
Lauren
PS~ I decided I don't like my pen name (humming sue) so I don't think I'll use it anymore.
She was here for five days, but it felt like five seconds. Despite the fact that it went by faster than I would have liked, we had a blast! Every time she comes up I realize how awesome she is and how we'll be best friends forever, no matter how long we go without seeing each other.
My dad took pictures of us on her last day here so when he picks out the best one, I will put it up on here.
I'm trying to get inspired here, to write something of interest, but nothing is happening...
I can say that I'm kind of sad no one has said anything to me about my This I Believe because I honestly need help with it...
I've been slightly depressed these last two days, and I don't know if it has to do with Cassi leaving, or school starting or what but it is really bringing me down...I sometimes just start to cry,which is really out of character for me because I hate crying, especially in front of someone. I guess no one really likes to be seen crying, but when I am caught, which I assure you does not happen often, I get really nasty and mean, which in turn makes me more depressed or sad.
I sometimes hate how average I am. I mean I am smart, but not brilliant, I'm O.K. looking, but not beautiful, I sing good, but not great, I live in a small upper class town and will go to a nice college where I will get a degree in business or something along those lines. Even my name is ordinary, Lauren Racheal (yes, that is how I spell it) O'Brien. Go ahead and search me, YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME! That is how ordinary I am, my name is so common hundreds of people have it....I just found 24 people on twitter who have my name, and I am talking to them right now. Whenever people talk about my sister and I and what they see us doing when we're older they say (and this is a direct quote from my mother) "Darbi, I see you becoming famous and discovering something big. Lauren, I see you working hard at your job and taking care of your family." Yep. that is what she said. I never told her that I loathed what she said or that it wouldn't be that way because I believe it. That is just how my life is going to go, and it sucks.
I feel lonely. My sister has had her group of three that she's known her whole life and has been hanging out with them or her boyfriend everyday this summer. (another depressing thought: Darbi who is 2 years younger than me has had a boyfriend for the past 5 months, and this isn't her first. while I haven't had anything resembling a boyfriend besides Peter, which doesn't count) Both my parents are extremely busy with work recently so they don't have time for me either. My only close friend in town has volleyball or babysitting every hour of every day. So I'm by myself, ranting to you in a rediculously cliche-teenage-everything-is-about-me kind of way. It sickens me.
I'm sorry for this really uninspiring post,
Lauren
PS~ I decided I don't like my pen name (humming sue) so I don't think I'll use it anymore.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
This I Believe...
Over the summer I had to write a "This I Believe" (you know, like the ones on NPR. Here's the website if you want to check it out, it's pretty cool: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4538138 ) for my AP English class. They have to be about something I believe in as a person (obviously) and has to be 350 to 500 words long. I've been going over a few different options in my head and wrote a couple out. This one is my favorite, but I feel like it still needs a lot of work...If you are good with grammar, or enjoy reading senior papers, or just want to know what I believe in, PLEASE read it and if you find any mistakes at all, TELL ME! Even if it's just to say that you think this is crap and I should rewrite or it's not focused enough, I don't care how mean you get, because I want to get an A on this paper. Thanks! Oh! and I need a title for it too, so if you think of anything catchy that would fit this, please let me know...
TITLE IN PROGRESS
You could say me and Change have had a pretty rocky relationship, one headed down a very steep, very threatening hill.
Since I was small, the mere thought of Change terrified me. At night I would cry for my dad to come quickly– not to check for the Boogeyman in my closet, or a monster hiding under my bed, but to assure me that he wouldn’t spontaneously decide to quit his job and move my family of four to a foreign town in a far away country where I would have to learn a completely new routine and way of life. My irrational fear affected every part of my daily routine, from eating the same lunch I pack everyday – a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich with some juice and an apple, to the route I took from class to class.
I avoided Change at all costs; this just seemed to encourage him to chase after me. When my parents told me we were moving three miles away at the end of my fourth grade year, I almost had a panic attack. Three miles away from all that I knew?! How would I survive?! No matter how much I protested, my house was packed and ready to go when the movers arrived.
I hated my new house with its big rooms and new neighborhood for two whole years after the move. Life went on, I adjusted and finally “the new house” became just “the house”. I met my best friend, Cassi, who lived in the house across the street. We were inseparable and I depended on her friendship heavily, but three years later, Change found me again. Cassi was moving 1,500 miles away the summer before our freshman year of high school. I screamed, I cried, I cursed and shook my fist at Change, but he didn’t seem to care. This was the lowest point in our relationship.
So, faster that I would have liked, Cassi was five states away and I had two weeks until I started high school, virtually by myself. I refused to let Change make me suffer, so I charged into high school, back straight and looking confident, even though I wasn’t remotely ready. Now, four years later, I don’t have to fake my confidence, or my independence. And that’s not the only thing that’s different: I believe in Change, one hundred percent. You may ask: how is that even possible?! And I will answer simply: without Change, I wouldn’t have grown as a person, I wouldn’t have met my best friend, experienced new situations that I have grown to love, or have gained so much confidence in myself to over come the obstacles Change throws at me. Now, as I prepare for college, another big Change, I smile and say “Bring it on!” because even after everything that has happened to me, I believe in Change.
There you go. I'm not overly fond of the ending; I wanted to say something about how everyone needs change and your life will suck if you don't trust him, but I just didn't know where to put it. What do you think of me capitalizing Change and calling it 'him' because I don't know how I feel about that either? Thank you all who read and comment this, if any!
Love you all,
<3>
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
News! Get Your News Here!
1.LOCAL BUILDING BURNT DOWN
The restaurant that I work at burned down last night, no joke. It's horrible. The dinning room, kitchen and upstairs office are completely destroyed. They don't know what caused it yet. They also don't know when or if they are opening back up. The repairs are going to take a month at the least... This leads into my next bit of news very nicely....
2. JOB WANTED
I NOW NEED A JOB OR MY PARENTS WON'T LET ME GET A CAR TO DRIVE TO SCHOOL. and it sucks because before I acquired my job now at the restaurant, I had looked at every possible place in town and NO ONE was hiring. Sure, some took my application but they were just trying to be nice (nicer than the ones who told me flat out no to my face when I asked if they thought I could get an application) Anyways, I'm jobless a year away from college with only about $2,200 in my account to pay for books or anything i might need next year. AND as I said, my parents are now not going to let me get a car for school even though this is TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT, I mean, did i start the fire?!?! and before those of you who might think that, hey that's a possibility, let me assure you I DID NOT SET FIRE TO LITTLE ITALY! So, that's my situation right now. My good friend might get me a babysitting gig, but really, how long will that last? answer: until the end of summer, which doesn't help me in the slightest...
3. TEXAN BEST FRIEND ARRIVES TO A WARM WELCOME
On a happier note, Cassi's coming tomorrow at 3!!! YEAH! And even though I wish it wasn't so, the fact that Little Italy is probably going to be closed for who knows how long, I don't have to work while she's here! =] Which is good because I don't want to waste any time with her here.
4. LIGHTS, CAMERA...WELL YOU KNOW THE REST
I've started taking my senior pictures!! =] My dad is taking them for me because, and I don't know if I've said this before, but he's a photographer on the side. Which is great and cheap! =]
**SIDE NOTE OF INTEREST** My dad's side of the family is really big: he's the 3rd oldest of 7 kids. So I have a lot of cousins on that side and they are all older
except two of them who are like 5 and 3yrs old. It's them, then me and Darbi in the middle, separated by a bunch of years. Anyways, I was constantly trying to get with my older cousins cause i felt left out and there is this wall in my grandparents den
that holds all my older cousins senior pictures in order of graduation and this year I AM JOINING THE WALL!!!!! YEAH! I have been waiting for this since sixth grade when my favorite girl cousin graduated and joined The Wall. (btw -all my cousins are really good looking) So, my pictures have to be PERFECT or else because once they are on The Wall, they NEVER come down... here's a sample picture (not a senior pic, just a photo from the day that I went out to take some...)
PS~ I just realized that this is the first picture of me that I have posted, do I look how you thought I would?
5. BREAK-IN GONE WRONG
I JUST LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF MY ROOM!!!! GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! THAT WAS SOO ANNOYING AND DUMB! ok, 45 mins. ago I went to the store to get something for my mom and since I was in the middle of writing this I closed the door to stop Darbi from seeing this. Little did I know, when Darbi had come in my room earlier, she was playing with the lock on my door and left it locked so when i got home I was locked out...I just spent the last 30 minutes jimmying my door to get it open. Let's just say burglary is no longer an option for me.
6. MONTHLY TORMENTOR REEKING HAVOC
I am PMSing like you wouldn't believe and it's driving me and my family INSANE! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!! It is also causing me to be lazy and stuff my face... not a good combo.
7. AFTER MONTHS OF STRUGGLE, LOCAL GIRL MANAGES TO RETAIN A TAN
Yep, that's right folks...Lauren (me) officially has a tan!! It's dark, foreign and wonderful! Unfortunately, the tricky part is keeping it longer than 2 weeks...will keep you posted on this breaking news...
8. NEW TRENDS SHOW THAT CHILL TIME IS OVERRATED...
I have so much going on right now, I can't keep everything straight. School starts in 29 days, I still have to write 2 outlines of the books that I read over the summer for AP English (they were Kite Runner (soooo good) and The Poisonwood Bible (another favorite of mine)) along with a "This I Believe..." which I will be posting after I finish it, and a sample college essay (all this for AP English). I also have to write the essays for and fill out the apps for the five colleges I'm applying for (UofM, State, DePaul, Loyola, IUB and Kalamazoo). I also need to rack up some volunteer hours for National Honors Society because I've done squat this summer...Now, I have to find another job, which as stated above, is NOT going to be easy. I have to go school shopping still which is a really big deal in my family. It's like a weekend event. I am working at my mom's dog event next weekend which is going to be hectic and not fun because mom tends to get very edgy and stressed, lashing out to any who cross her path when an event comes up. I feel like I have no time to just relax, I mean, I even have to set up an alarm clock which is sooooooo wrong because it's summer and I shouldn't have to wake up to an alarm clock at 7 in the morning everyday!
9. GIRL ACCUSED OF BLOG NEGLECT
It's true. And I am sorry for the heinous crimes I have committed. But I can't take all the blame, I mean, as I have previously stated, I have been very busy with life. Unfortunately, I think I have come down with Blog-Deserter-ites. It's been a tough few weeks and I just couldn't shake it, but now hopefully I have been cured. Only time will tell...
10. SAID GIRL TURNING SEVENTEEN!
Yeah! You better believe it! I will be seventeen, at last, in 48 days! This means: NO 12 O'CLOCK CURFEW!! and I CAN GO SEE R RATED MOVIES WITHOUT HAVING TO SNEAK IN! no more annoying my friends with having to be home early! YAY! can't wait :] watch out people of the world, Lauren becomes invincible in 48 days 3 hours and 30 minutes!!
this very loooong post brought to you by:
<3 Humming Sue
PS~ how long can these things be? are they limitless?
The restaurant that I work at burned down last night, no joke. It's horrible. The dinning room, kitchen and upstairs office are completely destroyed. They don't know what caused it yet. They also don't know when or if they are opening back up. The repairs are going to take a month at the least... This leads into my next bit of news very nicely....
2. JOB WANTED
I NOW NEED A JOB OR MY PARENTS WON'T LET ME GET A CAR TO DRIVE TO SCHOOL. and it sucks because before I acquired my job now at the restaurant, I had looked at every possible place in town and NO ONE was hiring. Sure, some took my application but they were just trying to be nice (nicer than the ones who told me flat out no to my face when I asked if they thought I could get an application) Anyways, I'm jobless a year away from college with only about $2,200 in my account to pay for books or anything i might need next year. AND as I said, my parents are now not going to let me get a car for school even though this is TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT, I mean, did i start the fire?!?! and before those of you who might think that, hey that's a possibility, let me assure you I DID NOT SET FIRE TO LITTLE ITALY! So, that's my situation right now. My good friend might get me a babysitting gig, but really, how long will that last? answer: until the end of summer, which doesn't help me in the slightest...
3. TEXAN BEST FRIEND ARRIVES TO A WARM WELCOME
On a happier note, Cassi's coming tomorrow at 3!!! YEAH! And even though I wish it wasn't so, the fact that Little Italy is probably going to be closed for who knows how long, I don't have to work while she's here! =] Which is good because I don't want to waste any time with her here.
4. LIGHTS, CAMERA...WELL YOU KNOW THE REST
I've started taking my senior pictures!! =] My dad is taking them for me because, and I don't know if I've said this before, but he's a photographer on the side. Which is great and cheap! =]
**SIDE NOTE OF INTEREST** My dad's side of the family is really big: he's the 3rd oldest of 7 kids. So I have a lot of cousins on that side and they are all older
except two of them who are like 5 and 3yrs old. It's them, then me and Darbi in the middle, separated by a bunch of years. Anyways, I was constantly trying to get with my older cousins cause i felt left out and there is this wall in my grandparents denthat holds all my older cousins senior pictures in order of graduation and this year I AM JOINING THE WALL!!!!! YEAH! I have been waiting for this since sixth grade when my favorite girl cousin graduated and joined The Wall. (btw -all my cousins are really good looking) So, my pictures have to be PERFECT or else because once they are on The Wall, they NEVER come down... here's a sample picture (not a senior pic, just a photo from the day that I went out to take some...)
PS~ I just realized that this is the first picture of me that I have posted, do I look how you thought I would?
5. BREAK-IN GONE WRONG
I JUST LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF MY ROOM!!!! GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! THAT WAS SOO ANNOYING AND DUMB! ok, 45 mins. ago I went to the store to get something for my mom and since I was in the middle of writing this I closed the door to stop Darbi from seeing this. Little did I know, when Darbi had come in my room earlier, she was playing with the lock on my door and left it locked so when i got home I was locked out...I just spent the last 30 minutes jimmying my door to get it open. Let's just say burglary is no longer an option for me.
6. MONTHLY TORMENTOR REEKING HAVOC
I am PMSing like you wouldn't believe and it's driving me and my family INSANE! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!! It is also causing me to be lazy and stuff my face... not a good combo.
7. AFTER MONTHS OF STRUGGLE, LOCAL GIRL MANAGES TO RETAIN A TAN
Yep, that's right folks...Lauren (me) officially has a tan!! It's dark, foreign and wonderful! Unfortunately, the tricky part is keeping it longer than 2 weeks...will keep you posted on this breaking news...
8. NEW TRENDS SHOW THAT CHILL TIME IS OVERRATED...
I have so much going on right now, I can't keep everything straight. School starts in 29 days, I still have to write 2 outlines of the books that I read over the summer for AP English (they were Kite Runner (soooo good) and The Poisonwood Bible (another favorite of mine)) along with a "This I Believe..." which I will be posting after I finish it, and a sample college essay (all this for AP English). I also have to write the essays for and fill out the apps for the five colleges I'm applying for (UofM, State, DePaul, Loyola, IUB and Kalamazoo). I also need to rack up some volunteer hours for National Honors Society because I've done squat this summer...Now, I have to find another job, which as stated above, is NOT going to be easy. I have to go school shopping still which is a really big deal in my family. It's like a weekend event. I am working at my mom's dog event next weekend which is going to be hectic and not fun because mom tends to get very edgy and stressed, lashing out to any who cross her path when an event comes up. I feel like I have no time to just relax, I mean, I even have to set up an alarm clock which is sooooooo wrong because it's summer and I shouldn't have to wake up to an alarm clock at 7 in the morning everyday!
9. GIRL ACCUSED OF BLOG NEGLECT
It's true. And I am sorry for the heinous crimes I have committed. But I can't take all the blame, I mean, as I have previously stated, I have been very busy with life. Unfortunately, I think I have come down with Blog-Deserter-ites. It's been a tough few weeks and I just couldn't shake it, but now hopefully I have been cured. Only time will tell...
10. SAID GIRL TURNING SEVENTEEN!
Yeah! You better believe it! I will be seventeen, at last, in 48 days! This means: NO 12 O'CLOCK CURFEW!! and I CAN GO SEE R RATED MOVIES WITHOUT HAVING TO SNEAK IN! no more annoying my friends with having to be home early! YAY! can't wait :] watch out people of the world, Lauren becomes invincible in 48 days 3 hours and 30 minutes!!
this very loooong post brought to you by:
<3 Humming Sue
PS~ how long can these things be? are they limitless?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Discoball hanging by a thread
I'm back!
Yale was an absolute blast, one of the best experiences of my life. I really am not in the mood to type a whole lot right now, but I'll write a few select phrases...
1) I <3 Bingham B Babes!! =]
2) My View on Harry Potter: good...not great, but good. A little too focused on the "love" aspect. and I have always hated the guy who played Dumbledore so I'm kinda glad he's gone at least until the last movie.
3) Cassi (my best friend who currently lives in Texas, but who lived in Michigan from 6 to 8th grade, ALSO known as Hopping Duck to my Humming Sue) is coming!!!!!! =D and I CANNOT wait!! Its her birthday on July 24th and shes coming in on Aug. 12th-16th!! YEEEEE!!! I haven't seen her since spring break! Me + Cassi = craziness YAY! =]
4) I have to start shopping for clothes for my senior pictures which I will be taking shortly (!). If anyone has any opinion or experience in senior picture clothing faux pas's please leave me a message so that I don't do anything I will regret for the rest of my life, cause pictures stay with you forever...thanks =]
That's about it. I love everyone. <3
<3 Humming Sue
P.S. ~ i am in love with "fireflies" by Owl City...look it up folks, you wont regret it.
Yale was an absolute blast, one of the best experiences of my life. I really am not in the mood to type a whole lot right now, but I'll write a few select phrases...
1) I <3 Bingham B Babes!! =]
2) My View on Harry Potter: good...not great, but good. A little too focused on the "love" aspect. and I have always hated the guy who played Dumbledore so I'm kinda glad he's gone at least until the last movie.
3) Cassi (my best friend who currently lives in Texas, but who lived in Michigan from 6 to 8th grade, ALSO known as Hopping Duck to my Humming Sue) is coming!!!!!! =D and I CANNOT wait!! Its her birthday on July 24th and shes coming in on Aug. 12th-16th!! YEEEEE!!! I haven't seen her since spring break! Me + Cassi = craziness YAY! =]
4) I have to start shopping for clothes for my senior pictures which I will be taking shortly (!). If anyone has any opinion or experience in senior picture clothing faux pas's please leave me a message so that I don't do anything I will regret for the rest of my life, cause pictures stay with you forever...thanks =]
That's about it. I love everyone. <3
<3 Humming Sue
P.S. ~ i am in love with "fireflies" by Owl City...look it up folks, you wont regret it.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Au revoir for now!
Bonjour mes copines/copains!
Well, I'm heading off to my trip at Yale! We're still going to NYC, but we're skipping Cedar Point. I'm pumped, and a little nervous for the three week stay. :/ I packed all yesterday and have successfully crammed in all my things into two HUGH duffel bags. I was tremendously surprised when it closed without me having to sit on it. Anyways, my mom isnt going with my dad, sister, and I because she still doesn't feel good.
Well, I'm making a LOAD of CDs for the drive there and am leaving in an hour. I still have to take a shower too! So this is farwell until July 18th!
Au revoir!
Humming Sue
PS ~ When I get back Harry Potter will be out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So count on a post about it! =]
Well, I'm heading off to my trip at Yale! We're still going to NYC, but we're skipping Cedar Point. I'm pumped, and a little nervous for the three week stay. :/ I packed all yesterday and have successfully crammed in all my things into two HUGH duffel bags. I was tremendously surprised when it closed without me having to sit on it. Anyways, my mom isnt going with my dad, sister, and I because she still doesn't feel good.
Well, I'm making a LOAD of CDs for the drive there and am leaving in an hour. I still have to take a shower too! So this is farwell until July 18th!
Au revoir!
Humming Sue
PS ~ When I get back Harry Potter will be out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So count on a post about it! =]
Monday, June 22, 2009
Do Not Commit Arson. Not Even Once.
Both of my parents work in marketing/advertizing. Incidentally, this has lead me to become very aware and at times critical of all types of commericals, movies, magazine, etc. It's sort of a pass time in my family to watch and critique commercials. While other families mute the TV or leave to room when a commercial break comes on, my family gathers round in excited anticipation of the commercial we will tear apart. My friends hate it when I get all analytic.
Just the other day, my sister, Darbi, and I were watching a movie on some family friendly channel. My mom and dad were both at the hospital because my mother had just had surgery last week and my dad was staying with her. Anyways, back to my living room and my story. So, Darbi and I were watching Narnia (I adore that movie) and pigging out on a huge bowl of pretzels and Cheeze Its (or as my best friend and I like to call them, Cheeze The's). It was pure a summer-do-nothing-but-lay-around moment. Even the commercials brought us a perverse joy. The only draw back was that when you watch movies on TV, they have commercial breaks every six minutes (this is actually a proven fact, look it up. It's because people's attention span will only last for about that amount of time, especially if the thing they're watching is hardcore.) and even worse is that the commercials are exactly the same every time! It is truly obnoxious, because by about a third of the way into the movie, we had already analyzed and perfected every commercial they played. Now, when the commercials came on we muted the TV or walked out of the room like any normal family.
It was late at night, maybe 11:30 or 12, when another commercial break came on. I was tired so I just laid were I was on the floor and stared blankly at the TV screen as the commercial for Dove body lotion came on for the 13th time. My sister walked out of the room to go pee when a new comercial came on. It was for Emerald Nuts and it was funny, but the best thing about it was that it was NEW. I hadn't seen it the entire time I had been watching the movie, I hadn't seen it ever before in my life!The commercial was about a therapist too tired to convince his patient to not burn down the building. The acting and the content was mediocre; what made the commercial, wether or not it was meant to be humorous, was the little message at the bottom of the screen that flased as the building was burning.
Good thing they told me that because I was considering it. But I guess I shouldn't do it.
Not Even Once.
Yours,
<3 Humming Sue
Just the other day, my sister, Darbi, and I were watching a movie on some family friendly channel. My mom and dad were both at the hospital because my mother had just had surgery last week and my dad was staying with her. Anyways, back to my living room and my story. So, Darbi and I were watching Narnia (I adore that movie) and pigging out on a huge bowl of pretzels and Cheeze Its (or as my best friend and I like to call them, Cheeze The's). It was pure a summer-do-nothing-but-lay-around moment. Even the commercials brought us a perverse joy. The only draw back was that when you watch movies on TV, they have commercial breaks every six minutes (this is actually a proven fact, look it up. It's because people's attention span will only last for about that amount of time, especially if the thing they're watching is hardcore.) and even worse is that the commercials are exactly the same every time! It is truly obnoxious, because by about a third of the way into the movie, we had already analyzed and perfected every commercial they played. Now, when the commercials came on we muted the TV or walked out of the room like any normal family.
It was late at night, maybe 11:30 or 12, when another commercial break came on. I was tired so I just laid were I was on the floor and stared blankly at the TV screen as the commercial for Dove body lotion came on for the 13th time. My sister walked out of the room to go pee when a new comercial came on. It was for Emerald Nuts and it was funny, but the best thing about it was that it was NEW. I hadn't seen it the entire time I had been watching the movie, I hadn't seen it ever before in my life!The commercial was about a therapist too tired to convince his patient to not burn down the building. The acting and the content was mediocre; what made the commercial, wether or not it was meant to be humorous, was the little message at the bottom of the screen that flased as the building was burning.
Do Not Commit Arson. Not Even Once.
Good thing they told me that because I was considering it. But I guess I shouldn't do it.
Not Even Once.
Yours,
<3 Humming Sue
Friday, June 19, 2009
"It Wasn't Right...Because It Was With You"
I am a terrible person.
This guy that I have known since sixth grade, that I have been close friends with since I first met him, came over today to give me something before he left for a ten day mission trip to Mexico. He gave me two CDs that had "It Wasn't Right....Because It Wasn't With You" on it, this braclet that he weaved, and a note that he instructed me not to read until sunday, when he would be halfway to Mexico, imagining my reaction to said note. Of course I tore open the note the moment he left, after a REALLY akward hug, I might add. Some of you probably know the gist of what the letter is about to say, but for those of you who are oblivious; one, bless you for being so, and two; here is what it said:
"Dear Lauren,
Let me start out by putting it all on the table. (these are going to be my little comments throughout. ok, this first sentence does not bode well, it made me VERY nervous and sure of what was to come.) I like you...a lot. (i knew it, and HAVE known it for the past five years) I had always hoped that, during our five years of friendship, we could spend a little more time than a bus ride, or a short conversation together. We always say we're going to do stuff tegether, and we never do. (partly because you have really bad timing, and partly because I usually find an excuse) I have tried repeated times to set something up (he sure has) and I just don't know what else to do. You are one of the most wonderful and amazing people and that's the plain truth. ( my heart is swelling from "love" and shriveling from self hate at the same time, it hurts) Even the brief moments when we saw eachother in the hallways brightened my day a little more. (ouch)
It hit me the other day, when someone asked why I had broken up with my last girlfriend; I told them something like, "I stopped liking her" or, "It just didn't feel right". Those people I told the latter to only got haf the truth though. They usually asked, "Is there someone else?" to which I replied, with a blatant lie (I'm sorry I sound like a chronic lier), "No". You get to hear the truth. I found out that I never felt comfortable in a relationship because of the simple fact that I wasn't wit you. (at this point I was starting to find it hard to breathe what with all the squeeing and contracting)
Now it is your turn if you wish to take it. On July 1st, I will be returning from Mexico (hopefully). Whether I hear from you or not is your decision now. (geeze, no presure there) I apologize that I could not say this all to you in person, but I had to get my thoughts organized on paper. Lauren, I will think of you everyday in Mexico. (!!) I've been waiting a long time to tell you this (yeah, you have!) and I hope that you take it to heart. People are truly blessed when they meet someone like you. (more like cursed) I'm waiting for you to take my hand so we can just run (lyrics to one of my favorite songs, and he knows it) and see where this path really leads.
Yours Truly,
Peter ******
I mean, wow. and DARN IT! why did he have to ruin our friendship? I HATE ultimatums! For years now I have been blocking any attempt he has made in the "more than friends" catagory, and I thought that I was successful for a time. But this year it got really intense: his friends would ask me if I liked him (SO juvenile! I mean come on! we're in 11th grade for goodness sake!) and he would always go out of his way to see me in the halls, and i know this because he told me all of his classes and he was always walking the wrong or longer way to his class. We had made joking plans to take eachother to the prom next year. Iguess it was more of a joke for me; now I don't have anyone to go to the prom with, another bummer. (By the way, this is all the more confusing and horrible because no one, and i mean no one has ever shown any type of interest in me. Guys always describe me as "wild" and i really don't get it because I am usually one of the most shy people you could ever meet.) Don't get me wrong, I really do like him, but only as a friend. It's really going to suck when he won't be even my friend anymore, because he can't just be my friend apparently.
And since I am no good at akward confrontations, I wrote him a letter that explained all this in what I hope is a gentle tone that I will mail to his house, right after he leaves for Mexico. Hey, I don't want to ruin his trip, and I wasn't supposed to have read it yet anyways. The good news is I'll be off to Yale by the time he gets back so he won't be able to get in touch with me right away.
I feel depressed and guilty and I can't get my mind off "the situation" as i like to call it. I want to blame him for telling me all this right before I leave for my "summer adventure" because I am definitly one to dwell on things, especially when I know it's my fault. However, I know he has every right to tell me how he feels and I was cruel to play along all these years when I knew (however indirectly) how he felt about me. I guess he'll have to learn in the most direct way possible that "It Wasn't Right....Because It Was With Him".
Your most guilty acquaintance,
<3 Humming Sue
This guy that I have known since sixth grade, that I have been close friends with since I first met him, came over today to give me something before he left for a ten day mission trip to Mexico. He gave me two CDs that had "It Wasn't Right....Because It Wasn't With You" on it, this braclet that he weaved, and a note that he instructed me not to read until sunday, when he would be halfway to Mexico, imagining my reaction to said note. Of course I tore open the note the moment he left, after a REALLY akward hug, I might add. Some of you probably know the gist of what the letter is about to say, but for those of you who are oblivious; one, bless you for being so, and two; here is what it said:
"Dear Lauren,
Let me start out by putting it all on the table. (these are going to be my little comments throughout. ok, this first sentence does not bode well, it made me VERY nervous and sure of what was to come.) I like you...a lot. (i knew it, and HAVE known it for the past five years) I had always hoped that, during our five years of friendship, we could spend a little more time than a bus ride, or a short conversation together. We always say we're going to do stuff tegether, and we never do. (partly because you have really bad timing, and partly because I usually find an excuse) I have tried repeated times to set something up (he sure has) and I just don't know what else to do. You are one of the most wonderful and amazing people and that's the plain truth. ( my heart is swelling from "love" and shriveling from self hate at the same time, it hurts) Even the brief moments when we saw eachother in the hallways brightened my day a little more. (ouch)
It hit me the other day, when someone asked why I had broken up with my last girlfriend; I told them something like, "I stopped liking her" or, "It just didn't feel right". Those people I told the latter to only got haf the truth though. They usually asked, "Is there someone else?" to which I replied, with a blatant lie (I'm sorry I sound like a chronic lier), "No". You get to hear the truth. I found out that I never felt comfortable in a relationship because of the simple fact that I wasn't wit you. (at this point I was starting to find it hard to breathe what with all the squeeing and contracting)
Now it is your turn if you wish to take it. On July 1st, I will be returning from Mexico (hopefully). Whether I hear from you or not is your decision now. (geeze, no presure there) I apologize that I could not say this all to you in person, but I had to get my thoughts organized on paper. Lauren, I will think of you everyday in Mexico. (!!) I've been waiting a long time to tell you this (yeah, you have!) and I hope that you take it to heart. People are truly blessed when they meet someone like you. (more like cursed) I'm waiting for you to take my hand so we can just run (lyrics to one of my favorite songs, and he knows it) and see where this path really leads.
Yours Truly,
Peter ******
I mean, wow. and DARN IT! why did he have to ruin our friendship? I HATE ultimatums! For years now I have been blocking any attempt he has made in the "more than friends" catagory, and I thought that I was successful for a time. But this year it got really intense: his friends would ask me if I liked him (SO juvenile! I mean come on! we're in 11th grade for goodness sake!) and he would always go out of his way to see me in the halls, and i know this because he told me all of his classes and he was always walking the wrong or longer way to his class. We had made joking plans to take eachother to the prom next year. Iguess it was more of a joke for me; now I don't have anyone to go to the prom with, another bummer. (By the way, this is all the more confusing and horrible because no one, and i mean no one has ever shown any type of interest in me. Guys always describe me as "wild" and i really don't get it because I am usually one of the most shy people you could ever meet.) Don't get me wrong, I really do like him, but only as a friend. It's really going to suck when he won't be even my friend anymore, because he can't just be my friend apparently.
And since I am no good at akward confrontations, I wrote him a letter that explained all this in what I hope is a gentle tone that I will mail to his house, right after he leaves for Mexico. Hey, I don't want to ruin his trip, and I wasn't supposed to have read it yet anyways. The good news is I'll be off to Yale by the time he gets back so he won't be able to get in touch with me right away.
I feel depressed and guilty and I can't get my mind off "the situation" as i like to call it. I want to blame him for telling me all this right before I leave for my "summer adventure" because I am definitly one to dwell on things, especially when I know it's my fault. However, I know he has every right to tell me how he feels and I was cruel to play along all these years when I knew (however indirectly) how he felt about me. I guess he'll have to learn in the most direct way possible that "It Wasn't Right....Because It Was With Him".
Your most guilty acquaintance,
<3 Humming Sue
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Frustration
My mom had surgery last week to remove her gall bladder (how in the wordl do you spell that?). I was all prepared to pamper her and be extra nice and take care of things around the house. the thing is when ever she has a surgery she gets really grumpy and demanding. this time is no exception. by the way, the surgery was an over night procedure and she should be already on the road to healing, almost back to normal right now, but not my mom! She has been in and out of the hospital for the past week since the surgery at least once a day. (She's a little bit of a hypochondriac). Oh! And on top of all of this she decided to quit smoking this week! Lucky us! That has put her in an extremely good mood (note the sarcasm). As I said in my previous blog i'm headed off to Yale for a program, what i didnt say is that we are supposed to leave next Wednesday, you know, to do all thoughs really fun things before we actually got there. Now it looks as if my first time trip to NYC is cancelled. I'm pissed. My dad's pissed. My mom's pissed. and now I'm off to see my mom at the hospital (where she's staying the night again). By the way, I hate hospitals; they freak me out.
Thanks for allowing me this rant,
<3 Humming Sue
P.S. ~ My grandparents (ugh) are here and we dont have any guest bedrooms. I'll be sleeping with the clawed beast herself tonight (Darbi).
Thanks for allowing me this rant,
<3 Humming Sue
P.S. ~ My grandparents (ugh) are here and we dont have any guest bedrooms. I'll be sleeping with the clawed beast herself tonight (Darbi).
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Beginning of Beginnings
Hi everyone! Lauren here (but you can call me Humming Sue). This is my first blog and I would like to say that I am excited to finally be joining the millions of people around the world spilling their guts out into the world wide web! I guess for my first blog I will explain why I started this thing.
For years now I have been writing in journal after journal after journal. I wrote about my daily life, my view on world events, short stories, poems, questions I had about anything. Pretty much I wrote about anything and everything around me. My younger sister, Darbi the computer wiz, kept trying to make me a blog to "expand my horizon". I don't really think she knew what that meant at the time, but it doesn't matter. Anyways, everytime she offered I refused point blank because I believed firmly in the "old fashioned" way of writing and thought that if I started to write all my thoughts out online, they would disappear into oblivion with none of the emotion I put into them when I wrote them down.
So, when I went to Barnes & Noble the other day to pick out my next journal and I looked into my ever thinning wallet, I realized that I won't be able to afford a journal every couple months anymore. Hence, I decided to start this blog in an attempt to retain an outlet for my questioning mind while not wasting my meger minimum wage income that will hopefully carry me for a little while into my first college year.
I know it's not the most original story some of you have ever heard, but it's true and it's the reason I'm here now. Now, how about learning a bit about me? I just finished my junior year of high school (I finished yesterday!) so I only have one more year! Yeah! I'm going to be pretty busy this summer because I'm working at a restaurant as a hostess and selling the carryout we serve. Also, my sister and I are going to Yale University for this three week program starting June 28th. It is going to be a blast! My parents are driving us out there on the 25 I think. On the way, we are stopping at Cedar Point (an amusement park), the city that has Penn State in it (I don't remember what it's called), and one night we are staying in NEW YORK CITY! This is going to be the first time I ever see New York and you cannot know how freaking excited I am!!!!!! While we're in New York City (!!) we're going to see The Lion King on Broadway! I'm pumped!!
Anyways, that's pretty much what I'm doing this summer. I feel like this is a pretty good blog for my first time. I still don't really know how this thing works, but I'll get the hang of it over time. I don't even know if this is private of public; if it's private and I'm talking to all of you I'll be pretty embarassed. Question: are people supposed to comment on thses things? and if so, how? Well, as you can see I've got a lot to learn. If this isn't private, and if someone comes across it, and if you can: feel free to give me some pointers, tell me what you think of my blog, or just say 'Hi!' because it would really make my day. Thanks everyone!
Until I can sneek onto my mother's computer again,
<3 Humming Sue
For years now I have been writing in journal after journal after journal. I wrote about my daily life, my view on world events, short stories, poems, questions I had about anything. Pretty much I wrote about anything and everything around me. My younger sister, Darbi the computer wiz, kept trying to make me a blog to "expand my horizon". I don't really think she knew what that meant at the time, but it doesn't matter. Anyways, everytime she offered I refused point blank because I believed firmly in the "old fashioned" way of writing and thought that if I started to write all my thoughts out online, they would disappear into oblivion with none of the emotion I put into them when I wrote them down.
So, when I went to Barnes & Noble the other day to pick out my next journal and I looked into my ever thinning wallet, I realized that I won't be able to afford a journal every couple months anymore. Hence, I decided to start this blog in an attempt to retain an outlet for my questioning mind while not wasting my meger minimum wage income that will hopefully carry me for a little while into my first college year.
I know it's not the most original story some of you have ever heard, but it's true and it's the reason I'm here now. Now, how about learning a bit about me? I just finished my junior year of high school (I finished yesterday!) so I only have one more year! Yeah! I'm going to be pretty busy this summer because I'm working at a restaurant as a hostess and selling the carryout we serve. Also, my sister and I are going to Yale University for this three week program starting June 28th. It is going to be a blast! My parents are driving us out there on the 25 I think. On the way, we are stopping at Cedar Point (an amusement park), the city that has Penn State in it (I don't remember what it's called), and one night we are staying in NEW YORK CITY! This is going to be the first time I ever see New York and you cannot know how freaking excited I am!!!!!! While we're in New York City (!!) we're going to see The Lion King on Broadway! I'm pumped!!
Anyways, that's pretty much what I'm doing this summer. I feel like this is a pretty good blog for my first time. I still don't really know how this thing works, but I'll get the hang of it over time. I don't even know if this is private of public; if it's private and I'm talking to all of you I'll be pretty embarassed. Question: are people supposed to comment on thses things? and if so, how? Well, as you can see I've got a lot to learn. If this isn't private, and if someone comes across it, and if you can: feel free to give me some pointers, tell me what you think of my blog, or just say 'Hi!' because it would really make my day. Thanks everyone!
Until I can sneek onto my mother's computer again,
<3 Humming Sue
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